I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
