I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
