Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I intend to get homeless drunk
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
