Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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