Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
