Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
