Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
