do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
