And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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