Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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