The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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