laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize