i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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