mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
