True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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