I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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