The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
