A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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