She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
