You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
