Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
