Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
