You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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