Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
