I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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