i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
