Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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