You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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