We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
