I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Mom said you looked used
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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