i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
