we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
