I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
