Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize