Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
