my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
