I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
