is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize