When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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