I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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