It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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