my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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