The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My vagina is officially offended.
Randomize