He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
