I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
