I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
