If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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