Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
