Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
