Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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