Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
