I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize