I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize