i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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