I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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