Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I need a beard to bite.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
