why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
