Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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