Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
