haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
