I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I did not marry a roomba.
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