I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
