I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The uberlube is also flammable
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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