There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
