my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
