i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
