Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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