I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
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