we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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