i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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