Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
