not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It was confusing and full of hummus
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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