You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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