There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
