Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
