Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
