this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
