I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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