Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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