Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
